Tricia Claiborne Before and after

 

I can never remember a time in my life when I was not considered over weight. Even when I was not AS FAT I was still never less than 30 lbs over weight at any given time.  I grew up in a poor family and we didn’t always have food and when we did it was never healthy. We would go for so long without food that when we did have it I would binge on it and eat till I felt sick. I developed my relationship with food very early on in my life. I suspect even before I can remember. I saw food as comfort and happiness.

I was molested as a child not just by one person but by many. I felt as if I had a sign on my forehead that read “molest me”. I think I was just the kind of kid that was their target.  Low self esteem, wanting attention and to be loved. I never made the connection until about a year ago that I ate to make myself fat intentionally as a way of protecting myself from men who might hurt me. I developed a bad self image of my body at a very young age as I always associated it with the horrible things that happened to me when I was molested. It affected me in many ways and all along food was there to help protect and comfort me.

 

Tricia Claiborne Before and after Beachbody

Sadly though food has let me down as I have watched and lived as it controls my life.  You see alot of people dont truly understand what food addiction means. Food addiction is unlike many other addictions in the way that you MUST eat to sustain your body. You have to face it and interact with it daily. Learning where the line is to sustain your body and the line into feeding your addiction is a fine one.

Oh I can skip meals, no problem, but when I finally eat I am so hungry that I will eat twice as much. I can also eat in moderation just fine and feel satisfied, but my head is saying I want more and my stomach feels full. It is a constant struggle and it is a reality for people with food addiction.  I go through phases in my life where I have it under control and then my stress level will almost always trigger my addiction.  I have found myself slipping into shifting my addiction into working which doesnt help because then I dont cook and we are eating drive thru fast food for every meal. It is not that I eat alot of food it is my food choices generally. My comfort foods.

I have learned that to help control my addiction I first need to learn how to quit seeing my body as a source of pain in my life and stop hatting it and mistreating it and start to love it even if I am still fat. That means loving each and every inch of it no matter how saggy or flabby it may be.

One of the things that is the hardest things to do for someone who has been a victim of any sort of abuse is learning to love yourself. It has literally taken me years to finally understand this . It is something I struggle to implement daily in my life.  At this point in my life I love myself and my body more than I every have but I am still haunted by my addiction daily.  I have a deep desire to be healthy. To live a healthy life. It’s just something so foreign to me as it is not what I grew up living or even had the advantage of seeing others that live that way.  I have often wandered what it feels like to be in a smaller less cumbersome body. One that is fit and lean.

I have tried to surround myself and make friends with people who do live healthy in hopes that I can learn from them and be inspired by them. I have lost over 100 lbs using Beachbody workout programs and Beachbody supplements along with Shakeology.  I have hit a stale mate in my journey as since my husband and my mother both passed away almost 2 years ago my stress level is really through the roof with being a single parent of 4 children and working a fulltime job and still trying to keep my Beachbody Coaching business alive along with trying to date I feel overwhelmed more often than not. This is a huge trigger for my addiction and I find I am facing it more and more.

Tricia Claiborne Before

For me I have given my struggles to GOD. I know he will provide me with the tools, support, and people to make this change a permanent one in my life. One reason I was able to lose 100 lbs so far is because I had an accountability partner or two or three lol… That is why I am a Team Beachbody Coach. It helps when you have someone to hold you accountable. Coaching others has helped me in that regard as I hold them accountable it is a reminder for me as well.

In the end it all boils down to a solution. For me there is no one thing that will cure my addiction but many things I must actively implement into my life to keep it under control. Self improvement and self reflection is the absolute best place to start . I find as I learn to love myself more and more I want to be nicer and do good things for my body. Taking my supplements, eating right, and exercise are all apart of the healing process and I still struggle with it but I know as long as I never give up I have not failed.

If you struggle with this and are in search of someone who understands and wants to help you thru it let me know I am happy to help. I am not licensed in anything except driving so I can only share what has and is helping me, with you.

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